The Road Less Taken
I feel like I am in this constant, face your shit journey. I am on this journey of vulnerability and discomfort and reaching up and, and, and....the list could go on but you get it.
I feel this calling, this calling to take the road less traveled, to feel life at its highest heights and lowest lows.
I have been low lately, feeling everything, cleansing my soul with tears, sitting with myself, being really real. I have said to myself more than once in the last week, I AM ANGRY!! I am really just pissed!
Looking back on my page to see my posts I realized why I dare to live life so boldly, my children. i want to raise my children to see beyond what the eye presents, to believe in something bigger than themselves, to do what they feel called to do even if that’s not the ‘in’ thing. I want them to have deep conversations, I want them to talk openly about God, I want them to celebrate new moon, full moon, each day. I want BIGGER for them, bigger as in the outer universe.
Everything seems so innocent when we are young. The anxiety around day to day, people pleasing, lack of boundaries, blending in, smoking a little pot, drinking a few beers. what happens when these innocent details are no longer innocent? When the lack of boundaries turns into co-dependency? The day to day anxiety becomes crippling? When the substance use turns into addiction? When we don’t see beyond what the impulses inside us are?
I look at pictures of my beautiful cousin, I feel the pain of losing her so deeply. I think about her crippling addiction. I reflect on our partying, it seemed so innocent at the time, where did things go so wrong? how is this the new reality? her being in heaven, me being on Earth.
I am going to continue to inspire through my imperfection, through my personal battle in facing myself to be better inside and out. being real, being vulnerable, being.....Again I have made the choice to be sober, again I am pushing against old stories, I am redefining my relationship with alcohol.
Are you willing to push past comfort? Past old stories to create? Live for something or someone bigger than yourself? Or are you going to sit in old stories, old limited beliefs? Let go of instant short term relief and lean into long term healing?