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The Sneaky Icky Sticky

We all have this sneaky, icky, sticky, toxic, heavy, dark inside of us. It’s the inner critic, it’s the expectation of perfection, it’s the judge and jury of you and those around you, it’s the not enough, the fault taker........

What is this madness!??

Shame, the vampire of your soul. It will suck the life out of you, it will suck the life out of those around you, it will suck the connection from anything you cross paths with, lead you to believe lies.

How does shame get so damn deep seeded in us?

It’s so sneaky, lurking in your shadow parts. It rejects being brought into the light, it rejects being accepted with love and kindness.

Layers of shame are created through childhood to adulthood by adverse experiences (traumas) particularly person to person interactions. A part of us becomes wounded, we create negative beliefs, have negative internal dialogue coming back into ourselves, we make ourselves small, we stay in our comfort zone which may be toxic, and we create patterns of reliving our traumas. These layers are often in our subconscious until identified and asked to step forward.

This is what I know about shame from my observation of myself and others:

1. It can’t stand in the light, name it to tame it.

2. Smiling, even if you don’t want to, brings you to the light.

3. Shame cannot stand in the presences of a grounded nervous system, find positive support, do yoga, find your breath, feel your body.

4. The opposite of shame is self-energy, the 8 Cs of self: compassion, clarity, calm, courageous, confident, connected, creative, curious.

I often will imagine shame sitting by me. When I notice my thinking turning shameful, I will kindly smile at the green murky figure I imagine, kindly stating, I accept you. And just like that the shame seems to melt back into itself. We live in toxic shame so much more than we think. It’s not the addict, the abused spouse, the neglect child........it’s the mom that never feels like enough, the student that feels they have to be perfect, the man who sees the only answer is control.

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