I have been back for a week now from the Experience Freedom Retreat. A week that feels like eternity but at the same time went by in a blink. Coming home to my family felt like the best thing ever; trying to figure how to do life after such a life changing experience is still in the works.
I have found that the most profound healing experiences just don’t have words, or at least I am not sure how to put what I feel in my body into words, but here we go giving it a try……
After a year and a half of seeing this group healing experience on social media I got the calling to consider attending the Experience Freedom Program during meditation. The words clearly came through, “It’s time to look into working with Nina.” Upon committing, I really didn’t know what to expect, I knew I just had to trust the journey.
I was immediately flooded with so many shame stories I had to confront:
I am selfish for spending money on myself.
I am taking away time from my family to do these weekly calls at the worst time of day, bed time.
What if I can’t pay it all?
What if my family goes without because I decided to spend this money?
I will be away from my family, I'm taking a trip without them to attend this retreat.
I am going to need help, who am I to ask so I can go on a trip to beautiful island?
I need to make this trip seem miserable to justify me going,
I have to make this look hard, “it’s work.”
Essentially it all boiled down to a whole lot of shame. This is I didn't show the world on social media... The thinking errors, the emotional roller coaster and guilt, the battle in my own head.
I knew I need to go for my personal growth and for my business. I knew something bigger than myself was calling me. I spend a lot of my day breaking through shame patterns with others and I wasn’t about to be my own biggest hypocrite. I want others to know they deserve the most beautiful gifts in life as well.
I didn’t know if I would actually be going, but in the end I boarded the plane. God didn’t place any barriers to tell me I was not aligned with His will.
After a good night of sleep I woke up to Kauai with a grateful heart. Have you ever felt that feeling as though your heart could burst open because you were so grateful or in so much joy!? I took everything in as though I was seeing a unicorn. As I spent the week practicing yoga, meditating, showing my heart in the most uncomfortable and liberating ways in circle, as I listened to sound healing, danced while drinking in the pure freedom from all around me, watched dolphins, swam without fear, saw waterfalls and went on sunrise hikes, I received the confirmation I am right where I need to be.
I was able to witness the pain and wounds of others as well as allow others to witness my pain and wounds, hear people expressing themselves freely with their most authentic heart because they felt safe. This is where the power truly rests. We laughed, we cried, we sang, we danced, we hugged (the best hugs EVER), circled around at times of big emotional expression, we ate, we adventured, we swam, we experienced freedom. I arrived here knowing only some of the other attendees digitally, some not at all. I left with sixteen best friends who I know I can always call on.
I have a new perspective on humanity, compassion that runs deeper, and the realization we all really want the same thing in this life- to be loved wholly and unconditionally.
My bags are long unpacked, but as I unpack the emotions and healing of this experience, I am grateful for this part of my vision quest. Being called to this experience was my sign to lean deeper into my vision quest; my higher purpose.
I am more invested in loving humanity than ever, more invested in taking full responsibility for my part in healing the collective, more inspired to be seen, and ready to fearlessly takes big risks to allow for people to receive my gifts. What I experienced at this retreat was so incredibly moving to me, I wondered to myself, "What if Nina would have repressed her dreams and never followed her internal knowing!?" If she would have never taken risks or worked so hard to shepherd her dream none of this would have happened.” I wouldn't have experienced what I did nor would I so clearly now see the prize at the end of my own vision quest.
It is very simple. I am here to love the world, love humanity and share that love with you.
With love and light,